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I want my iPhone and iPad to delete messages at the same time instead of having to delete messages in each device separately.
iPad, iOS 12
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Turn on messages in iCloud - Keep all your messages in iCloud - Apple Support. That syncs all messages, and any deletions you make across all your devices. Note however with messages in iCloud, when you delete a message, there is no way to recover it if you Later decide you did want to keep it.