Random media starts playing when AirPods Pro inserted in ears.

Whenever I put my AirPods Pro in, some random app on my MacBook Pro starts playing whatever it has open. It could be Music, it could be QuickTime Player, it could be a media tab in Firefox, it could be a game I am playing (even though I have the volume turned to zero for music in that game, and the slider reflects that, when I put in my AirPods the music starts playing, at high volume to boot). I never want media to start playing automatically, in any context, or for the volume of that media to be cranked to max. How the heck do I turn this off?

I have Automatic Ear Detection turned off in System Settings.