Firmware not updating on AirPods Pro 2

I have tried the recommended approach to updating firmware and I cannot get my AirPod Pro 2 to update. I’ve been trying about 10 days now since I bought them.

Also, Transparency mode doesn’t work, or maybe it’s Noise Cancelling mode that’s not working; either way, all three modes are exactly the same.

I also cannot register these with Apple, as it says purchase date not able to be added. I called Apple about this which was the only option available but still nothing. This means I can’t do that Find My AirPods thing, which is frustrating.

So far these are basically useless. Did I just buy lemons? Any ideas pls let me know. Thx

[Re-Titled by Moderator]