I tried all the above, iTunes doesn't pick up my ipad

These support pages may be helpful in addressing an issues with your PC or Mac:

If your computer doesn't recognize your iPhone, iPad, or iPod - Apple Support

If you can't update or restore your iPhone, iPad or iPod touch – Apple Support

If your iPad is disabled, or you have forgotten your iPad passcode, you’ll need to follow this process:

https://support.apple.com/en-gb/HT211078

You’ll need access to either a PC (with iTunes installed) or a Mac (with iTunes or Finder - as appropriate for the installed version of MacOS).

You’ll also need your AppleID and associated password. If these have also been forgotten, they can be recovered here:

https://iforgot.apple.com

To recover your credentials, you’ll need access to one of the following:

• Your primary email address mailbox that corresponds with your AppleID
• Any of the secondary/recovery email addresses that should be configured for your AppleID account
• Any of the trusted telephone numbers (fixed line or Cellular/Mobile) that are associated with your AppleID

Unless you AppleID account has not been fully/correctly configured, or has been seriously neglected, recovery of the AppleID and password should not be difficult.

More information about recovery of your AppleID:

https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201354

More information about recovery of your AppleID password:

https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201487

When you recover access to your credentials, you would be well advised to log-in to your AppleID account from a web browser - and verify/update any email addresses and trusted telephone numbers:

https://appleid.apple.com

you can try

DFU mode to Restore - Apple Community

Which iPad are you using and do you know what version of OS is running on it? And what OS are you running on your computer?